What do we believe in ?

I remember the day I found out that everybody had to die, including me. I was at some funeral. Honestly I don't know who's funeral it was. My mom made me go to every family members funeral, even if I didnt know them. So there I was. Waiting for this funeral to be over, then the preacher started to give his sermon. That man said "Every body sitting in this room is going to die."I'm like maybe in the 5 or 6th grade at the time. Of course i knew i had to die one day but for some reason it really hit me THAT day. I swear I cried for like a week or two straight. I was in deep thought the whole time. I was thinking about all the good stuff I'd be leaving behind. All the food, music, family, friends, and last but not least the good tv shows. Can't forget about them. I was probably like 10 or 11 really pondering on life too. Couldn't think straight at all. Asking my friends "are you afraid to die?". Most of them said no which was just crazy to me. Then the inevitable thought happened "will i go to heaven or hell?". I think that's what I pondered on the most really. My family is c.o.g.i.c so of course we go to church all the time. I didn't particularity like church but it wasn't really my choice on whether I'd go or not. That's another story though. So anyways I had heard all about heaven and hell. So at this point I'm thinking I need to make a choice. I could act right and go to heaven or do wrong and go to hell. Of course I picked heaven. Not because that sounded like the very best place to be but it sounded a heck of a lot better than burning forever. It says when you go to heaven it'll be all these mansions & milk & honey & whatnot but you'll be praising the lord for the rest of your life. In my mind im thinking "dang thats all I'll be doing for the rest of my life. That dont sound too fun". But I guess it's better than burning forever so ill take heaven for 200 alex. So now im sitting here in my 20's thinking "is this where the fear of God starts". Just even the concept of hell has made me afraid of God, made me afraid to even question God. I started reading the bible more when I got older. I started seeing contridictions. Like when Cain killed Abel then became a vegabond. He went off and got married but....to who? Because I could of sworn there's only Adam, eve, cain, and Abel on earth right now. So where this wife come from ? At the point im like "God i got a question"...of course he ain't answer me. So I did some research. Now people are saying heaven and hell dont exist. See now they gotta be tripping. Saying heaven and hell are both just a state of mind. Well see now I'm getting mad. Cause that cant be right. After all this reading, praying, and fasting I been doing. But they seem to have sources and proof. But the bible is a source and proof...so who do i believe? Because at the end of the day let's face it, all books are written by people. People that are just like me. Plus we all know that history has been lied about. There's so many different religions out here and they all have different Gods with different kinds of afterlife. Everyones religion seems to be working for them but yet there is only suppose to be one God. So what are people suppose to do? Well me personally I'm just going to believe in myself and just go from there.


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