Suppressed Love

I love my mom. I love my whole family. I can't hide the fact that I didn't really feel love in my home growing up. We had a lack of things we wanted but I still had everything I needed and there was food always on the table. I just wish it wasn't so much of a tough love situation. My mom didn't talk to me about stuff and when she tried to it didn't feel sincere. She never told me she loved me either so when she tells me now it feels kind of awkward. She promised me things that I never received or heard about after the fact. I was an emotional little child so that really used to mess with me. It messes with me a lot even now as an adult when people make promises and don't come through. Basically there was no affection in my home. I cried a lot when I was alone because I just felt like something was missing. That actually had a big effect on me. It's hard for me to show emotions or even care about a lot of things now. Most people tell me I come off as nonchalant, like I just don't give a damn. I just don't feel right showing that emotional side of me. It makes me feel vulnerable and weak. I can show a person I love them all day but actually telling them is hard for me. I got a big heart but I feel like the way I grew up damaged the act of me showing that. I never knew how important it was to actually tell a person sometimes that you care about them until I wanted someone to do it for me. I couldn't understand it at first but I realized im the exact same way. Then I see that a lot of people are like this. We have a lot of emotions but we never express them. Im working on myself personally. I don't want my emotions to cause me to lose people I really care about. I can be tough all day but at the end of that day, I still have a lot of love I want to spread to others. There is a lack of love in the world period. It all starts with us though . It's something within all of us that has us angry or emotionless. The best thing for us to do is fix those problems so that we can love ourselves and others fully. Ain't no reason to be crying in private and smiling in public. The longer you hide it the more harder it is for you to open up and the more messed up you become. Talk to somebody so that you can heal and start to show that love you have been suppressing all this time.


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