College

College was a big part of my life at one point. I told myself when I was in middle school I would go hard in high school, so I could graduate with honors and make it to a good college. See I was afraid of poverty and my environment instilled even more fear in me. Living in a town where there is nothing to do and nobody to be. Me and struggle are familiar with each other as well. I was in one of those living paycheck to paycheck situations. I never complained about it but I knew it wasn't a situation I wanted to grow accustomed to. Making good grades was easy for me. I loved school. I was on the honor roll all the way up until I made it to college. That changed at like the beginning of my second year though. My first year was all good. Felt just like high school but with shorter hours. Kept my g.p.a up and everything. I got a job after that. That's when it all fell. I was working full time, going to school full time. When I got off work in the mornings, I would do assignments and then go to bed. By that time I was going to school online. I think the more money I made though, the more I didn't care about school anymore. Honestly all I kept saying was "i'm going to school to make money but i'm making money now. Do I really need to be in college?". Because ima just be real, College is money motivated. I don't think nobody goes to college strictly just for the "education". I was learning everything that I had already learned in high school. It's like they just added more words to the books. Of course at that point of time I talked myself out of it though. Thinking that college was like my only choice. I started to make more friends at work as well. It's like the assignments doubled when I trying to get out and do something. My grades dropped but I kept them high enough to keep my scholarship. Those grant checks looked too nice to me. So of course it had gotten to where I was doing just enough to keep that money in my pocket. I was majoring in electrical engineering. I picked that major because I like math. I wasn't passionate about it or anything. I didn't even know what I wanted to do. I just knew I needed to pick something before it was too late. I knew I could do and be anybody I wanted but nothing interested me. Nothing gave me that feeling that I would be happy for the rest of my life if I was doing it. But my mom and everybody else wanted me to go because I'm the smart one. Everybody already had my life mapped out for me and all I wanted to do was make them happy. So I chose. Everybody always congratulated me for being in college. I wasn't happy at all though. Working and going to school is very exhausting. I was tired ALL the time and never had any time to myself. Never had an off day. Plus I didn't like my major and I wasn't interested in anything else. I remember flunking a calculus 2 exam and just sitting in my car crying my eyes out. I had never failed a test before. I ended up failing that calculus class like 3 times. I studied old and new material, just couldn't pass it. Strange thing is that it wasn't that hard. Like I said I love math so I got the material. When I took test I couldn't pass though. That was the first sign.I moved into my own apartment. I needed the space alone and I was making enough money to do it. Soon as I moved into my own apartment, I dropped out. My wifi wouldn't work on my laptop so I just took that as the second sign. I definitely wasn't about to be on campus all day. I gave it up. Im not gone lie, I was super happy. Feel like the weight had been lifted right off my back. I was no longer stressing and I had a life again. I did miss those grant checks though but that was about the only loss. I don't know if college just wasn't for me or it was too quick of a decision.I went into college right after high school which is what most people do. That's like a three month gap, right ? That's not enough time. After high school you still just a child really. Just getting put into the real world and getting your mind back from teachers and other staff who have controlled it all your life. Finally getting the chance to think for ourselves. Do we really know who we are RIGHT after high school ? Counselors tell us that college is the best choice for us and i'm sure they have their reasons. Nobody ever really asks you what you want though. I wish somebody would have encouraged me to just experience life and find myself before making that decision. To figure out what I want, to figure out who I am. Encourage me to do what makes me happy instead of doing what makes me look good to everybody else. Not everybody is suppose to go to college. And that's completely okay. There is so much to be out here and I didn't realize that until I took that chance. Somebody invented college so there is something else out here that can be invented to further the lives of the people. We gone all have bumps in the road. We have to go through things to figure out where we really want to be in life. Mistakes are necessary for us to truly be happy. I realized that I had to start living for myself instead of the judgment of other people. Making a lot of money without being happy is just a waste of life. I want to put mine to good use, so I took a chance. I'm taking a chance and I'm happy about it.