What's a girl to do ?
I doubted myself again today. Like I do every day. Like I do every time I get on my blog and think about writing. Like I do every time I think about doing something not of my normal habits. When the doubt and the fear take over, I find myself shuffling through endless tweets and Facebook posts. I know that's only a defense mechanism for my feelings though. I'm in a current state of I don't know. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Now that I think about it, I never really have. I do know that I want to be free. Right now I'm a slave, AGAIN !! Working a job that basically owns me and all my time, but they pay me good enough so I guess I don't suppose to complain. Even though I'm very financially stable, I'm mentally unstable. More like a depressed feeling. I know I should be doing more with my life because I know there is more to life. I hear people talking about they have been working this job for 15+ years, and the thought of that saddens me. How on Earth can you come into this building and do the same exact thing every single day ? I only been here a year and i feel like I'm about to lose my shit. Five days a week a feel a huge wave of sadness One day a week I'm completely relieved,and that other day I'm sad because I know day one of the five is about to start again. I've felt like this at a few of my jobs. Thinking maybe it's just me. That's can't be the case though because I see the same depression on other people as I see on myself. I just want to help people. That's all I want out of life. I can't help people when my job has the noose around my neck and I can't help myself if I have no job. What's a girl to do ?